Communication Techniques of Reflection and Listening

When communicating with someone, we often don’t really listen to the other person but we instead are thinking on what we want to say back to them. We especially do this if we are feeling defensive about the conversation topic and / or the situation.

What can be more helpful and better communication is to listen attentively and then to reflect back to the person that you heard what they said.

First, let the other person know that you were listening to them and what they had to say by reflecting back to the person.

Example – someone says, “ I hate my job. I had a terrible day. I am tired. My head hurts. I am upset at my boss and UGH- I am soooo stressed!”

You might reflect back to them something like this- “Oh my, it sounds like you had a really rough day today and are understandably stressed and not feeling well because of it.”

Next, reflect back to them that you understand how what they just shared with you might have made them feel.

An example is to say, “I am so sorry that you had such a rough day at work today. That must be very frustrating for you”.

Now that sounds a lot better than to say something back such as, “ I had a rough day too.”

When you are engaged in a conversation in which one or both individuals are upset, this technique is very helpful to deescalate an argument as you let the person know who is sharing their feelings that (A), you heard what they said and acknowledged it and (B), you acknowledged that you understand and empathize with how it may have made them feel.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. James 1:19

By Diane Gammon M.S. Clinical Mental Health Counselor

                                          Blog Website LivingWithHopeCounseling.com