Focus on Your Love For Someone- Not The Problem. Tips On How To De-escalate an Argument

When we become upset at someone, it can be easy to let yourself and the argument get escalated. 


When this happens, the focus becomes on your anger and how you want to be right. 

The focus needs to be on how much you love and care for your loved one. 

So- the next time that you get upset at someone that you deeply care about, try the following:  

Walk away for a couple minutes to take some deep breaths if you are too upset to talk. BUT FIRST--------
TELL the person that you are upset with that you need to walk away a few minutes to cool down and that you will be right back to work things out.

Let them know that you are listening to them. Use body language that shows them that you are listening to them.

Reflect back to them what you heard them telling you. An example is "Let me see if I am hearing you correctly. You do not like it when I leave food out on the counter. Is that right?"

Reflect to them how they might be feeling due to them being upset. An example may be: "That must be frustrating for you."

When you state your side and feelings, use "I" statements-- such as "I feel sad when I do not get to spend time with you."  DO NOT say things like: You made me feel........You made me late......... etc.

Apologize for your contribution!

Identify possible solutions and compromise!
 

 

 By Diane Gammon M.S. Clinical Mental Health Counselor

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